reflections

“You guys know about vampires? … You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. And what I’ve always thought isn’t that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn’t see myself reflected at all. I was like, “Yo, is something wrong with me? That the whole society seems to think that people like me don’t exist? And part of what inspired me, was this deep desire that before I died, I would make a couple of mirrors. That I would make some mirrors so that kids like me might see themselves reflected back and might not feel so monstrous for it.” -Junot Diaz

links and love

just thought i'd peek back into the blog world to share some things that i'm loving right now. [most of which is this ahhh-mazing weather!]


___________________________

jonathan safran foer. i know i've mentioned him before but i'm reading "everything is illuminated" right now and i can't get enough.

this tumbler. ohmygosh. my coffee has stayed hot for hours and hours.

spotify. do you not have it yet? do you realize that you can play almost any song ever for free??

this design blog. i love everysinglething she does.

reading the psalms in context. [as in, reading them in light of the psalms surrounding them.] it's blowing my mind. why haven't i done this sooner?

new[ish] music from bon iver, feist, jaymay, and new-to-me music from fleet foxes and beirut. [again, spotify!]

watching football with my dad.

re:sound on NPR. good listening while you're cleaning/driving/cooking.

and, of course, fall in general. so glad that my last few weeks have involved pumpkin bread, an apple festival, and sweaters. :)

i'm a little bit catholic?

[you're a little bit rock 'n roll]

last week i took a class in the bioethics department at trinity called "emerging issues in reproductive technology and women's health". i've been excited about this class for a while. in counseling women reproductive issues [infertility, contraception, ivf, surrogacy, egg donation] tend to come up a lot.

i'm going to be writing a paper soon, but some of my initial takeaways are:

1) people who are part of the pro-life movement aren't all down south fundamentalist holy rollers. [that sentence has got to offend people.]

2) few people in the pro-life movement would carry on a pregnancy that would ultimately kill the mother. that viewpoint is rather rare.

3) abortion is pretty terrible for women [not just unborn babies]. so is egg donation.

4) you want your OB/GYN to be pro-life. and you can find one here.

5) i LOVE the way that some of these people are engaging these issues. they aren't just telling women that they're murderers and quoting scripture. they're fighting by advocating women's health [both physical and mental], and seeking charitable dialogue.

i took a lot more notes [and learned a lot more] about IVF, surrogacy, and infertility among Christian women. it's a lot of stuff, but let me know if you want to talk about it. the short story? i think i might like some of the Catholic viewpoint on these issues specifically [obviously, not all of their views on reproduction].

probably my biggest takeaway was this one [especially for women who are deciding on contraceptive methods]: in 1969 ACOG [American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists] changed the definition of the word "conception". Previous to that point the general consensus was that fertilization=conception=pregnancy. the shift was to implantation=conception. the result there is that contraceptives [read: contra-against, ceptives-conception] could be marketed as such as long as they prevented implantation. however, previous to 1969 this would have been seen as abortive. so, when asking your doctor if a contraceptive is abortive, he/she can safely say no as long as these conditions are met.



oh and also, i. still. love. adoption.

the work of vulnerability

my dear sweet friend becca shared this with me. it's a talk by social work PHD brene brown, about her research on vulnerability. [that job sounds stinking amazing.] anyway, it's 20 mins long, so if you've got some free time i'd highly recommend it.

oh and also, brene- not a believer. she's offering a perspective that's a little different than the whole "God calls us to relationship" angle. it's cool, though. she talks about how we're "wired for connection" and how shame undoes our ability to connect.

so, those of you that believe that secular research has something to offer counseling, here's a chance to do some integration. :)

productive rest

i graduated just about a month ago. and man, i was tired. they told us throughout the masters program that our internship year would be challenging. it was, but in a different way than i expected. i was probably less traditionally "busy" last year. i was at internship about 30 hours a week, and then up at school on tuesdays for a full day. that's pretty close to a regular 40 hour a week job. i was committed to attending small group one night a week and getting to the gym 2 or 3 times. at the end of the semester i had one big test.

it didn't really compare to those other semesters of grad school. you know, the ones where you look at your to do list and you think, "oh man, i can't wait til saturday so i can work on my homework". (which, admittedly, is better than the once a semester panic where i looked at my to do list and thought, "i will never, ever get this done, even if i don't sleep".)


[on a different note, i won the "most caffeine dependent" award at our graduation banquet. thank you?]

last semester was just different. i don't quite know how to classify the kind of work that it is to try to share the burden of 20 different clients' issues. finding that line between being over-invested and being checked out is tough. i didn't always do it well.

the past month has been fun and, i think, restful. i visited friends. i took a week-long class. i cleaned out my apartment, finished some painting i started months ago, and started reading about 5 different books.

but, i feel like i've just turned a corner. this week i've been waking up and realizing that i have nowhere to be. i'm working on job searching and trying to have something scheduled every day and going to the gym, but i'm pretty much only accountable to myself at this point. eep.

i really do believe that the Lord knew i needed some time off, and if i'd started a job right away i would have been headed for the crazy house.

suddenly the concept of resting in a productive way is very relevant to me. (also the concept of creative ways to live on solely mac & cheese, suggestions?)


i'll keep you guys updated, but for now would just love prayers for future direction. :)

on repeat.

[wo]man vs. wild, vol 2

so, you might remember my first [wo]man vs. wild post. i just never would have thought that there would be a follow up to it. i'm not around the animals all that much, let alone with a camera handy.

i'm not going to lie to you guys. i appeared to be the only one who was unnerved by the following experience. i'll let you be the judge.

when i visited seattle in march the ro's and i went to the chateau ste. michelle winery. it was both mega-classy and educational, and the grounds were really beautiful. as we were walking back to the trusty prius we turned and saw THIS:


woah. right? i did not know how committed the winery was to classin it up. in my mind peacocks = instant sophistication [evidenced by my super dignified reaction pictured below]:


so, clearly the peacock is less than threatened by us. he didn't even have the decency to get in the shot, which it seems like he should have been trained to do. at this point we're wondering, why the heck is that guy just roaming free?

is there some kind of peacock themed event taking place?

if so, how can i quickly transform what i'm wearing into an appropriate peacock costume?

are peacocks normally found in washington?

if not, was he lured by the elegant yet understated winery atmosphere?

wow. i can't believe that i didn't go into journalism with that kind of inquisitive nature. anyway, we tried to get a shot with the whole bird in there. that, my friends, is where the trouble started.

look at the OBVIOUS attitude shift of that peacock. he is on the offensive. threat level orange. everything used to be just fun and games, but now we're getting serious.

my personal threat level was at like, electric green [which has got to be the worst one].


he bided his time before making his next move. you can tell that lisa is in obvious turmoil even by her hand and a half in the picture. we stayed still waiting to see how our new frenemy [it's in the dictionary] was going to play his cards.


ohhhh NO! look at him, descending the stairs to COME AFTER US! clearly in the whole fight vs. flight thing this guy is a definite fighter. come to think of it i don't think peacocks can fly, so maybe it wasn't as much an option for him.

this is probably about the time i started yelling for passersby to hide their kids and wives.


he got to the bottom of the stairs, and i was pretty much ready to bolt. he's standing right about where i was in the previous couple pictures. as i thought about running i started to wonder how fast a peacock could chase me. i mean, is this like a grizzly bear situation where he could clearly outrun me? should i try to look threatening to keep him back? in all seriousness, i really do remember thinking, i should try to look as big as possible so he doesn't think he can get me with his talons.


i think this is where he clearly defeated us. i would like to point out that the term "frenemy" is super appropriate for this bird. he was pretending to be our friend in the beginning, but he doesn't want us all up in his business.


we snapped a couple last shots, but it was pretty clear that we couldn't compete.

in all fairness, the ro's weren't quite as threatened by the whole peacock situation as i was:



david is just lucky that cavalier attitude didn't earn him a brutal pecking. [ i think that's what i was afraid of?]

i'm pretty sure i was just muttering, "uhhh, david. be careful. maybe move a little.... david?"

i really hope there's no part three of this series, because 2 parts has already been enough for me. i am staying overnight in a cabin tomorrow, though, so who knows?

setting the curve

with this post i will surpass the 14 posts on my previous blog, when in rome. hurrah!

i actually do feel a little good about that. i kind of like thinking about what i'll write on here. i also like the fact that i can share more about my day-to-day life with everyone i love that lives oh so far away. (ouch, my heart.)

right now i am entering a CRAZY two weeks of busy-ness. in two weeks i'll be taking the national counselor's exam. that's a test that, basically, will make three years of my life a total waste if i don't pass. eep.


ohhh summer. and farmer's markets. and free time to cook and read and not study.

that picture is from my trip to seattle a couple weeks ago. there will be more soon, but for now i'm letting that whole laid back organic west coast attitude keep me from becoming a basket case.


i've got all kinds of stuff i want to post in mind. stuff about books i'm reading, things i'm cooking, music i'm listening to, and things i love (and... love a little less so) about chicago. and of course a little info about my trip to seattle (especially for you, jb ;).

ciao blog world! (well, at least for a couple weeks!)

is that growing old? or is it something worse?

"you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness"

- jonathan safran foer, extremely loud & incredibly close

on vanity

like (i'm assuming) most everyone who lives and breathes, i've had some issues with vanity...



(is it me, or does that wicked queen look way younger than you remember her? she looks like 30.)

i've always been challenged by (slash jealous of) those women that didn't seem to struggle with this. you know them. the ones that manage to carry on normal unaffected conversations with people without checking the mirror, or readjusting their clothes, or looking away when someone makes eye contact with them.

this usually has little to do with how attractive the woman is. i've seen objectively gorgeous girls who can't convince themselves to leave the house without eyeliner on.

anyway, this is something i feel that God's really challenged in me. through scripture, and through persistent and loving friends (especially ones who knew me in college... amy.) and, though this may not seem huge, i realized this morning that i have been leaving the house without make-up fairly consistently. that is a big deal. the part that makes it feel like an even bigger deal is that i hadn't even realized that i'd gotten here.

yes, it's a small thing. but i think it's pretty big evidence of God's real-ness and grace to me. :)

counseling like an image bearer.

"therapy with survivors of sexual abuse means working with those who carry the destructive image of the perpetrator in their very person. the therapist has the privilege of bringing the presence of God to bear on the results of the evil that was done so that all things might be made new. therapy then becomes the working out of redemption in a life shattered and scarred by evil. as therapists enter into the life experience of their clients, bearing the image of the Lord Jesus Christ in their person, they will see the work of redemption unfold. and as therapists bow to the working out of redemption in their own lives, they will find that the life of God in them begets after its own likeness in their clients."

- diane langberg, counseling survivors of sexual abuse

unaccustomed earth

i just love that title. i think maybe because of the quote jhumpa lahiri took it from:

"human nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. my children have had other birthplaces, and, so far as their fortunes may be within my control, shall strike their roots into unaccustomed earth." - nathaniel hawthorne

i'm not sure which of his works that's from, but if hester prynne didn't say it i probably haven't read it.

(abrupt segue warning. i promise it will make sense later)

so, i took a multicultural counseling class last year. it was aeh.

i've been finding that i have learned the most about counseling those who don't share my cultural background through friendships and, in this case, reading.

(see? i promised it would come back around)

i liked this book. partially because it marked my entrance back into the world of reading for pleasure. i'd been so skillfully trained (read: brutishly forced) into reading quickly for content that i had recently lost the ability to read for the sake of reading. about halfway into the first of the eight short stories contained in this book i suddenly realized that i wasn't counting pages and nervously eying the clock. i was just living in the world of a bengali immigrant family that was clumsily navigating communication between generations.

that's a common theme in each of the stories (and something that should be familiar if you've read lahiri's earlier The Namesake, or seen the film adaptation). each of the stories is different, but a common theme is an adult indian immigrant generation interacting with their second generation indian american children. i loved the way that lahiri didn't feel the need to resolve any of the tension she so meticulously created. she was content to let it hang there, heavy in the space between the reader and the narrative. i am a lover of last lines (my all-time favorite being the last line of 1984), and this book has one that illustrates the melancholy and unfinished tones of the stories perfectly.

if you're looking for good short stories and you're ok with things that don't finish with all the loose ends tied up, this is good stuff.

leave the gun, take the cannoli

during snowpocalypse 2011 my roommate and i decided to watch the godfather trilogy. i'd never seen it before (!), and two days inside seemed like the perfect time to fix that.

after a thorough evaluation, i would say that the main benefit of watching these movies was how much they've helped me to understand the references to it in you've got mail, most of which occur while tom hanks types the longest instant message in recorded history.



i'm just kidding movie geeks. :)

i did really enjoy them, especially the random italian they were throwing around. but it really got me thinking about family, loyalty, and gender.

the thing that i thought about the most during the movie was it's portrayal of women. coppola intentionally framed gender in the movie the way that he did, reflecting the culture within the mob. bottom line, the women were out of control. out of control, irrational and powerless. the women in the corleone family rarely knew any of the details of the "family business". when fredo's wife was drunk at anthony's first communion party fredo complains that he "can't control her". connie is pretty much insane the whole time. we see both michael and carlo abuse their wives.

seeing it makes me so aware of how incredibly blessed i am by the women who have gone before me in american society and fought for equal treatment.

but it also makes me think about how many places women are still treated like (at best) an inconvenience or (at worst) a possession.

even in a time where so much has been done, being a counselor for the past six months has made me painfully aware that sexism isn't dead. i've got stories in my mind now that i can't erase about horrendous and sickening physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.

one thing that's been pretty helpful is this book:



Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse- Diane Langberg

i'm working through it now, but it's pretty much the gold standard in its category. one of my professors said that every pastor and christian counselor should read it.

in reading this book and in counseling, the part that sickens me the most is that many times the abuser not only calls himself a Christian, but uses our precious and righteous Lord as a defense for his actions. how can these women trust a God they've been told is behind their tormentors?

wish i had better resolution for this post, but for now i've just got the hollow feeling of something i know isn't right.

febrolution.

yes, that's got to be a real word.

i'm not a big new years' resolution person, but i need some blogging incentive.

it's february, but since i didn't resolve anything on january 1st i figure february 3rd is as good a time as any. also i figure that increased blogging is about as noble a resolution as i can possibly have.

right?